i think i have to sleep first.

i had a moment today. it was after long day of walking around campus, TWO yoga classes (total of 2.5hrs), and a meeting with a disability advisor, and he made me go someplace different, alone, i thought was one place but was another, filled out form in excruciatingly neat handwriting, then

(copied from crazyboards post where i wrote it)
"a lady came in from parking garage as i was filling out my bursary form. two kids in tow. she asked me where the auditorium was. i looked to the street, which we could see through the window, not THAT visible though, but lucky there was a bus coming out of it, so i pointed, 'see that bus coming out over there?' 'yes' 'OK up that street, and it's in the fine art building'

then she asks the kicker question.
'on the right or lefthand side?'

uh.
i turned as if i were walking up the street
flapped the hand on the side it was on

no word.
couldn't connect hand to word.

she got it though, so it was ok. well enough - i didn't feel stupid for it, just kind of non-verbal. giggle to myself."

i thought abt posting on LRE but i am feeling shy again there. i am scared sometimes to post there in a big way. unless it's useless banter shtuff.

okie. time to sleep or something.

notice how much the DA site, all the sites, still the same deal with the social. it's all about the social. the reason i went all academic on anthropology i think is to feel some kind of control and mastery over it, instead of freaking out anxious paranoid and shit. but it hasn't worked. i just get freaky and paranoid and anxious with professors. (half of whom are also freaky anxious types themselves -- would think that would make it better)

how the hell am i to sleep when i get so in a furious ball of thought?

i think i started dreaming in yoga today. so tired.
drrr.